Push

I like to push a lot of things to their limits. I guess I like the rush I get from the drama of not knowing what's gonna happen? Hahah I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if that's true though. I'm not sure if I should learn my lesson now, or wait until it bites me in the ass. I'll figure it out somehow.

So lately I've been spending lots of time with Matty. I love it! We're getting to know each other so much better and it's always nice. I spent time with Dion tonight and he actually opened up to me. It was a really good reminder that no matter how well you may think you know someone, there's always something new to learn. People are always changing, and we always have to learn how to adapt and accept those changes. That really helped me keep my feet on ground. On another note, me and Matty burned with A-ron last night and tell me why A-ron was creeping me out. I felt like Arlene cus I swear I had the concerned look on my face the whole night hahahaha. It was hilarious. Krystina had an open house this weekend and me &Matty just fucked shit up, it was fucking ridiculous. I've also been meeting a lot of new people lately and hanging out with different people so it's all good. I do miss my og ass friends though. So hopefully timing works out this week cus tis been a while since I spent time with Nicole, Jeff, Arleezy &MCT.

School tomorrow! The weather is fucking with my head. Mkae goodnight! Oh &I'm fucking up in school, big time. Fuck me, right? Whatever.

Super sad but it's very catchy.

+more.

I forgot to mention that I just decided to re-route my career path yesterday. I swear spending time alone lets you notice all these things you otherwise would've never noticed. I guess I'm going to be more practical and less dreamy. I notice that I'm slowly becoming more realistic and starting to live outside of my fantasy world. How weird.

Stoge?

What an eventful weekend. I watched Good Will Hunting on Friday, and I swear that movie instantly captured my heart. Do whatever your heart tells you to, and don't be afraid. You can have all the potential for "success" in the world, but if you don't follow your heart then all the fortune and prestige in the world will mean nothing to you. Anyhow, so I had a very juicy weekend, cus I was with my juicy line most of the time lol. We went to Kassi/Nohrelynn's telly on Friday which got shut down quickly, and we kicked it with Shantelle, Lexie &Vasean durig and afterwards. Fun people! I went to work on Saturday morning feelin' like this then I went to Nicole's. I have the best pictures of Matty on the jumper. I went to Mel's afterwards with Line and ended the night there. I have to do my paper and I really don't want to. I'm trying to find all kinds of reasons not to do it but I know I have to -__-. Homework sucks. I really really really need a stoge right about now.

Lemons &Pine Cones.

Today has been productive--somewhat. Well, I like to think so. I watched My Sassy girl thanks to Nero and I swear I've never seen a movie like it. I mean, I pretty much predicted the plot of it all, but I liked the fact that they explained every detail of life and love because I feel as though it's necessary sometimes. Signs, as clear as they maybe, will never provide the same clarity and certainty as something that is said out loud. Being positive is a difficult task. I swear I can't help but be completely cynical one moment, and just laugh about it the next. Whatever. I don't think i know what I'm talking about anymore. I mean. I probably do, but I'd rather share it with someone one on one rather than typing it onto this blog. I prefer one on one conversations because there's really no room for error. I can't simply press the backspace button and have time to think about wht I'm going to say and to try and make everything perfect. I simply have to deal with whatever it is I have in the moment, and I can't help but realize that everything is already perfect the way it is. There's no need to change the words around, or find the fancier words to describe whatever I feel. It is what it is, and I'm glad.
I worked out with Jeffrey and Krystle today. Cardio is my shit. Holler at me.
Oh &I kicked it with Nero last night. Nice talks we had. It really made my night.
I'm ready to get fucked up tomorrow night.
It's fucked up how I'm supposed to be writing my essay right now, but I couldn't get my mind off of the whole one on one conversation thing. But yeah. I needa get back to work.

Help, anyone?

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little confused right now. I have so much time on my hands, and I dont know what to do with it. I want to be productive, but I'm fucked because I'm the type that can't do anything until everything is in place. I've been a wreck for the past week or so, and I swear I thought I was done but it keeps coming back. I need to learn how to hold myself together, fast. This is the longest breakdown I've ever had in my life, and it's pretty fucking scary. My head hurts. I'm tired as fuck for no reason. I don't know what to do. I think I need help.