Better in time

Sorry all my blogs are hella emo. This has kind of been a diary for me where I can express things that I usually wouldn't in public, and of course I express my happiness cus there's no shame in that. Hahah but this one will not be too sad, just kinda. Hahaha

I think it's safe to say that one should let go when there's no longer anything for you to hold onto. Yes? Far too many things are not under my control which frightens me, but ultimately that's what's feeding my hope. There aren't many things in this world that I find difficult, and when that opportunity comes where I have the chance at growth, of course I should take that opportunity right? Maybe. Maybe this isn't an opportunity, but more like a dream that I've been living. The situation seems too good to be true. The chances of getting what I want is slim to none, leaning towards none. Pathetic, huh? I'm not sure exactly. Maybe that's why I'm holding on, because there's so much unfinished business involved. It's so unfair how it's pretty much one-sided from here on out. Maybe it was one-sided from the very start. Maybe this situation never existed, and it's been a dream from the very beginning and I still haven't waken up. Fuck if it's a dream then it's a nightmare. I long to let go, and yet I choose not to. I've never been so uncertain about anything before, and this uncertainty has lasted for far too long, and has held me back from too many things. I'm well aware of that, and yet I choose not to let go. It's my own choice, and I choose to put myself through all the bullshit that I go. For what reason? I don't know. I don't know a lot of things right now. The longer I hold on, the harder it will be to let go. Why am I making this so hard on myself? I thought that things will get better over time, because "time heals all wounds" supposedly. Fuck that shit, it's been forever, and there has not been any progress. I've been stuck for too long. Get me the fuck outta here.

This WAS sad. I'm sorry. Hahaha

The unknown frightens me

For reasons that are obviously non-existent considering that it is UNKNOWN. I feel as though my life has no sense of direction whatsoever. I know what I don't want but I can't seem to find what I do want. At this point in my life, I'm stuck in this maze. I know that I can find my way out, but as of right now I'm fucking hopeless. Two heads are often better than one, and I feel as though I've been alone on this maze for far too long. I've come a long way and there's been plenty of times when I have almost stepped out of this happily, but something continuously holds me back and I find myself in the beginning all over again. I take a different route every single time I come back to the point of origin, and yet it only gets more complicated as I go further. I'm stuck. I really don't know where I'm going, and who will be with me when I go there.